Lies
by Bairn
Summary: Connie & Michael B one parter.


Lies, that's all we were.

"_You're the only person I know who could truly hurt me." _

"_I'll never let myself hurt you. I love you too much to even think about doing that to you. I couldn't Connie because to me, you're my world." _

"_I'll hold you to that." _

"_I promise you my darling." _

"_Good because God help you if you ever do." _

The tears pool in my eyes as I stand alone. I follow the flurry of late night summer clouds as they travel quickly across the sky, their transition of colour changing from the deep pinky purple, suddenly becoming overcast and ashen looking as they merge together, erasing the remaining light seeping through the clouds. I tilt my head back in desperation not wanting to let my emotions release because it'll all become too real and I don't want to claim them. I wished to box them up, file them away and just move on but the force is too strong. I feel the rain splash against my closed eyes, the water falling heavily, drenching me. My hair instantly misshapes itself flattening the mass of curls to my head, my dress sticking to my skin. I take in the welcome droplets, mixing with mine as I unwillingly lose all of my self control, cleansing my skin washing my sins away. If only they wiped them from my memory.

_I sit patiently, silently alone, the gentle hum of dulcet tones in the background fading out as I stare at the door waiting, waiting for him to come home to me. The salty tears prick my eyes as I gaze up at the clock in the dining room, another minute fading into the hour. Gulping back my second glass of red, I blow out the candles and scrunch up my napkin from my lap, the dinner ruined as he broke another one of his promises. The agony inside me rises to the surface and I can no longer hold back the tears, crumbling to this person I had hoped I'd never be; my mother's mirror image._

_All those years ago, I watched her waste away as each night she'd sit in wonder just like I've done for the countless time. I wanted it to be special, to celebrate this mile stone in our marriage but he can't even be bothered to make the effort and turn up. I would be in bed, the smell of whisky mixing with perfume mustering in his hair, on his clothes as he peeks over, pecking my cheek, whispering he's sorry he's late home, another late meeting as I pretend to sleep. I'll listen to him as he takes a shower in our en suite and he'll slink in beside me, folding his arm across my body, claiming me and I'll feel ill at his touch. I'll open my eyes as his close, the tears that prick them falling freely, silently, ladylike because a woman never shows a man her true emotions. _

_I fixate my gaze at the person before me, barely recognising her as she ebbs away with each tear that drowns her further. Her pink eyes sting, the mascara that fanned every single lash thickly for beauty smudged, blackening her eyes and her red, blotchy cheeks as the hot, wet mess spills freely forming with her once beautiful crimson lips. I watch her drowning, her hand reaching for his, grappling with the water as it pulls her deeper. She reaches him but he lets go. This woman, she's broken. This woman is me. _

_I hear the front door opening, his whistling startling me back to life. I smell the familiar aroma clinging to the air as it breezes towards me. I turn on my heel and walk through to the dining room, wiping away my tears with the napkin, composing myself for him, not wanting him to see me like this, busying myself as I gather the unused plates together and taking them through to the kitchen to distract me from all these thoughts, where he was, what he was doing but deep down I already knew, I just didn't want to believe them._

"_Sorry I'm late darling." _

"_No you're not." _

"_The meeting ran a little over time than I expected. I did try to phone you."_

"_No you didn't." _

_There's no air left for me to breathe. I suffocate amidst the heartache and anger that bubbles away inside me, my control loosening, on the cusp of pulling away from my grasp, unleashing my worst fears, the fear of loneliness. I gaze up into his eyes longingly, hoping I am wrong but he can't even look at me, not properly. His eyes meet mine for the first time and he smiles up at me as if nothing has happened, nothing has changed between us and I can't do it anymore. I pull away, staring down at my dress, it's wasted on him. _

"_The truth is hiding in your eyes but I can just see it." _

"_See what darling?" _

"_It's getting easier isn't it?"_

"_Easier?" _

"_Easier to no longer love me." I shrug in exasperation, fighting back the tears. I look expectantly in his eyes, searching for that glint to tell me I was wrong but he just shakes his head pitifully, the thought registering in his mind and I see him change, I see him agreeing with me. He doesn't even have to speak, it's just there, the truth staring right back at me._

"_Don't be so silly." _

"_Do you love her?" _

"_I love you."_

"_No you don't." _

"_I do." _

"_It's written all over your face. I can see it in your eyes." _

"_I love you Connie, no one else, just you." _

"_I believe you once did but not anymore." _

"_Why are you doing this Con?" _

"_Because it's the only truly loving thing do." _

"_To do what?" _

"_To let you go."_

"_Don't do this to me." _

"_No, you don't get to say that. You don't get to do this to me!" _

_My knees crash to the floor as I slide down the wall, defeated, the power evading me completely. I pull my knees to my chest, covering my eyes as I slowly begin to break, something I was promised would never happen the day we married. I wipe away my tears roughly against the back of my hand. I feel his fingers press against mine, trying to prise my hand away from my face as he sits before me, tilting his head to one side as if assessing the situation. The time hangs suspended around us, neither of us knowing what to say or do to make things better because we can't. The colours we once sparkled had faded away to nothing. _

"_You tear my world apart like you always do." _

"_What are you talking about?" _

"_Twelve years ago today, I married a man I thought loved me. That man stood before me and made me a promise, do you remember? I made myself a promise too but I broke it. I allowed you to hurt me. I let you away with it for so long but I can't do this to myself any more. I'd rather be alone than lonely." _

"_Our anniversary... I completely forgot. Darling I'm so sorry." _

"_I can't wait around for you to notice me Michael. We are incompatible, I just didn't realise it twelve years ago because I chased that force away in disbelief. I loved you so much, I trusted every single word you said but you broke your promise. I won't let you break me anymore. I don't want us to be each other's stepping stones." _

"_Don't say that. I do notice you. I notice how beautiful you look in that dress." _

"_I did this all for you but you didn't notice. If you'd noticed, you wouldn't just be telling me this now." _

"_I'll make it up to you, tomorrow, I promise."_

"_There you go again, making even more promises. You're just not listening to me. You can't make a promise you've already broken. I want to be free for what I believe, the only thing I've ever wanted to, to believe in myself because nobody else does, not anymore." _

"_I've always believed in you." _

"_No more running away Michael. We've fallen apart. We're not in love, not this time. It's just desperation and I won't let myself be this person for the rest of my life. We're finished, I'm sorry." _

_I shake his hand away from my wrist, freeing myself of him completely. I rise to my feet, sobering myself, wiping away the remaining tears I'm crying for him, for us. I take one last look at him as he pleads with me, his eyes begging, clinging to the bottom of my dress, crumpling the black silk that clung to me and I shake him away from me, stepping out of his embrace. And with every step I take, I see the future, alone but free from this painful love. _

I convulse with each shiver that escapes my body, trudging myself inside, stripping myself of my wet clothes as I dry myself with a towel, slipping into the comfort of my silk pyjamas. I stare at the woman before me, sweeping my fingers through her hair, the warmth curling each strand at the end, a smile spreading across her face because she's finally independent, looking forward in life on where she wants to be and I can't help but smile that the person staring back at me is really me.

Switching on the fire, I grab my blanket and wrap it around my cold body, leaning back against the sofa as the warm rug moulds to my body. I stare into tranquillity, the burnt orange flames tinged with a hint of blue dancing intensely before my eyes. I steal myself away, looking up on top of the mantel piece, a beautiful gold frame hanging elegantly above it, the picture I once thought was the happiest moment of my life but when I gaze at it now, I visualise the lies because that's all they were. That's all we were.


End file.
